John Carter: Sucky Marketing For The Easiest Film To Market

This Daily Billboard blog post makes a good point about one thing that's wrong with the marketing for the film "John Carter" — that they didn't include the complete title, "John Carter of Mars," which might confuse people not familiar with the story of the literary work, or give them any inkling what it might be about.

I agree with this. I have no idea who John Carter is. But if they weren't going to use the complete title — how they could they have improved their marketing approach to make up for this gap?

Easy. Showcase the film's hottest asset: Taylor Kitsch.

THIS IS NOT ORGANIC CHEMISTRY PEOPLE. YOU HAVE ONE OF THE HOTTEST GUYS ON PLANET EARTH — AND YOU DON'T PLASTER HIS BEAUTIFUL FRICKIN FACE AND BODY ALL OVER THE FILM'S MARKETING MATERIAL??!?! WHO CARES ABOUT THE DAMN ALIENS AND ANIMALS!!

That is all.

P.S. No animals or aliens were harmed during the writing of this blog post.
P.P.S. I love "Friday Night Lights" — watch the first episode on Netflix right now if you haven't seen it.

[UPDATE: Okay, so my friend said that she probably wouldn't be interested in seeing the film if it was called "John Carter of Mars" because she's not into sci-fi, etc. So maybe that's what they were thinking when they went with just "John Carter." But then play up the hot factor! Don't get me wrong, I love this alien below (but I also like sci-fi). But none of the marketing I've seen showcases Taylor Kitsch, he's always in the background or in some kind of shadow. Play to a variety of audiences. Okay, that is seriously all.]

Slim Fast: Slim on Stylists?

Okay, who the hell styled this? Wanna know what this ad says to me? That if I drink Slim Fast, my brain will shrink and cause me to pick out an outfit like this and actually go out in public. Where I will then be beamed up by aliens because they mistake me for a Trekkie-cheetah hybrid, and they'll cut me open and perform extended experiments. Thanks Slim Fast!

I Like This Ad So Much I Could Eat It

Seriously, it makes you look at it, touch it — is that page really ripped? — and most importantly READ it! Well, I read the "Eggo French Toaster Sticks" part of course (thankfully for them), but also the text that the creative team included, made to look like it was written by a mom about her daughter Lucy. Here's a piece I pieced together:

"There's nothing like spending time with my daughter, Lucy. Before school I always anticipate the sound of her footsteps on the stairs — and her groggy 'good morning' that she mumbles almost without thinking. I make her breakfast and pack her lunch for school. If she's got a big test that day, I'll leave her a note (but I'll keep it subtle so she doesn't get embarrassed at school). Lucy's one of the best students in her class. Her teachers all say she's a creative thinker. Of course, when I hear that, the natural mom thing to do is imagine what she'll be when she grows up. But I'll do my best to leave that up to her."

Aw. There's some staying power here! Now give me one of those toaster sticks dammit, I wish I could creatively rip one right off the page.

ODYSSEY.COM! I CAN SEE IT!

Praise the Lord! Or Stanley Kubrick! (Get it, "2001: A Space Odyssey"?) Finally — a billboard where you can not only read what's being advertised, but can READ THE WEBSITE TOO!! AND WHAT YOU CAN EXPERIENCE IF YOU GO TO THE WEBSITE AND BUY TICKETS!!

DINING! DANCING! CHICAGO SKYLINE VIEWS! (ON A BOAT!)

And most importantly — you can read it while driving by on the highway going probably around 60mph. So simple, yet so effective.

Dear Garnier Fructis, What's Up With the Argon — Oops, ARGAN — Oil?

Dear Garnier Fructis,

Your recent hair-product commercials boast the ingredient argan oil (which I thought was spelled "argon" like the element from the periodic table). I have no idea what argan oil is, or what its benefits are. When I hear the word "argan" I think of arsenic, which is a poison. Or else I think of Jason and the Argonauts, who I didn't much enjoy reading about in Latin class in high school. Why don't you briefly state how argon — I mean, argan — oil improves your hair? Like you do with avocado and shea oils in the commercial below?

Sincerely,
Leah

Hi Groupon, Look, I Wrote About You, Look

Okay, I didn't take a photo of this Groupon port-a-potty ad and text it to a friend (as exactly instructed on the sign pictured above). But I did take a picture of it. And I'm posting it on this blog and talking about it, so that counts, right? Right???

So a series of these phrases sprayed the doors of port-a-johns across North Coast Music Fest Sept 2-4 in Chicago, along with other sponsorship displays — such as The Named After Groupon Stage. Genius. I should rename this blog The Hire Me Because I'm Good at What I Do and Need a Job Blog. Here's another handful of brain-searing bathroom-wall goodness.






And last but certainly not least:



I'd suggest one change to this though. I would have it read: "It's pronounced 'groo-pon.' Rhymes with 'poo-pon.'"

Big Red, Big Hit

I want that bottle of Big Red. And to be that girl. And that is all.

One thing though — there seem to be competing slogans here: "Tastes Good To Be Different" and then that little booger next to the Big Red bottle that reads "Taste It. You'll Love It." Yeah, I know I will. Even if it's not good for me.

Get rid of the booger, it's cluttering up the bottle. My eye should go to the more prominent slogan and then the Big Red bottle for an immediate brain/visual connection — you want me to buy that fake-blood-colored sugar water, not overload my brain so that the image gets killed.